I've had a lot of time to think today and last night. Last night I was injured, I have an immobilizer on my entire leg because I tore a ligament in my left knee. It's amazing how much can go through your mind when your laying in bed with your leg up and iced for eight hours. I always have things running through my mind, I'm always thinking. Which isn't neccessarily a bad thing, but not always good either. As most know, I've had quite a bit happen in my life, and a lot of it comes to mind often. Mentioning that, I had a friend ask me why I think about that stuff, and you know what I said: "It's not that I sit here and try to think about that kind of stuff, but when it's not just part of the past, and it's part of the present, it's hard to get out of my mind." The conversation pretty much ended there. I have had so many people come in and out of my life. Between death, moving, and fights. Some of the losses are really hard and some are for the better. Today, someone I became close to this year, moved. See they finally got a job, something they've been needing, and I'm happy for them. But now something pulls at me, tugs at my thoughts. Some pretty serious stuff happened this year with me. This person was here and helped me through it all, along with Jenn. Now that he's gone, it really is getting to me. I thought it would of been harder the last time I saw him but for some reason it's getting to me bad right now. It feels like he's farther away then he's ever been before and I don't neccessarily mean in distance (those who know me will understand what I mean by that).
I still have Jenn though, which helps even it out. I have lots of other people too..It's just hard for me right now and I don't know how to explain it to them....but Jenn understands..
I've had other things going through my mind as well today. Like how when you take a chance to really just relax and watch the earth move around you, feel the air and watch the clouds as drift over head, it gives a feeling that is so amazing I can't explain it. I feel completely in tact with nature. Like, sometimes I feel when there's no where to go and I need to release and clear my mind, I'll go sit somewhere outside far away from people and just think. Think to myself of all my problems, the stress, and current things going on. In return I feel like someone's listening as if nature actually hears what I'm thinking, and it soothes me. I feel relaxed and at peace with myself, and it helps so much. I don't relax much, it seems hard to in the world we live in now. But those few chances when I do, no matter how long, it really helps me.
So, as things continuely change and my thoughts continue to overflow, It's nice to know where, and who I can go to. Whether it's just to talk, to think, or to have a shoulder to cry on. I have some very important people, and without them I wouldn't be doing as good as I am today. So even through the stress and problems, I know you all are always there and I thank and love you for it.