Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Teaching and Learning.

I LOVE kids! I love being in the classroom enviroment and watching them learn, work and socialize. What's best though is when I get to help. Being at Walt Clark has really helped me this year. Being able to be at the school with people I love, who love me and doing what I love is really the best thing for me. Aside from teaching and helping them though, I learn and gain from what they do. When I'm at Walt Clark I don't feel the stress, the anger and all the things that cause me problems. Instead I'm doing something that makes me happy. Teaching is the goal I've been driven to achieve since third grade. So I'm striving to make it happen.

Lately I've been so stuck in a place of darkess. Though I'm getting better, it's still hard. I have learned that everything takes time though. Band is over and I feel like a weight has just been lifted off of my shoulders. I feel like I finally can start functioning and making a change in a positive way to my senior year. So though I still struggle, I'm better and that's what counts.

Monday, October 4, 2010


I wonder all the time about everything. my mind never stops going. Which is both a blessing as much as it is a curse. I wonder what my dad would think if he saw me now. I wonder what you think as you're sitting there reading this. I like being my own person, but at the same time, I wonder about the outcomes of being a different someone. A new face in the crowd. It's weird in a sense, I understand that. I'm weird though. I'm not normal. Then again normal isn't really there. Everyone should belong in their own way BECAUSE of their differences. Not because they fall into the paths that people, society,  try to bound us to. That's just not how it works though. In order to function in the world you have to be able adjust to change. Change is the only constant. It's how it's always been. It's how will be for a long time...

I know with time you have to learn to adjust and move on. You have to be able to accept that you are
OKAY. Everyone comes to terms with this at different times. You have to realize that it's not you, you never did anything wrong. Your problems don't define you, they form you into the person you've become. Every hardship doesn't make you become weak, it builds you, makes you stronger.

Free Write...

I'm sitting in Dee's class over at Walt Clark, it's 7:41, I decided now would be a really good time to get away, but I have no where to go. I want to run away to the mountains for a while. I have wanted to for a long time. I want to find a place of peace. I want somewhere to just clear my mind and not feel like I have to be doing something or working on something, but where I could simply just be.

This school year, so far, hasn't been very good. There has been a lot of conflicts and I feel very out of place within the school. I know it's my own problem. I know that in time, as do all things, it will fade. I just wish that it wouldn't have started out this way. I wish that all of us that are having a hard year didn't have to. I wish for a lot of things, some of which I know I can make happen. Other things are less likely to happen. It doesn't mean that I can't wish or hope for it though. I've learned that people spend there entire lives hoping, wishing, for something better, something to change. For something more then everything they have ever had. Everyone sees this world in a different perspective. Every event, everything that could happen, or does happen, is perceived in a different way by each individual person.

I find it funny because often I come back to this quote, I suppose it's because I really like it, regardless I really wonder if people feel the same when it comes to being questined with this. "What happens when life seems to be viewed through a constantly morphing kaleidoscope where words won't come, your body is experiencing a series of violent earthquakes which have evacuated emotion, and no answer to the question "what's wrong?" comes close to the truth?"-J. A good friend came up with this when we were in ninth grade and I've held on to it because I've found it to continue to be true. I guess once you've dug a hole so deep it begins to consume you, you constantly climb, try and escape. On the way up you slip, you fall back down, or you catch yourself before you hit bottom and continue to climb back up. It reminds me about all these holes because there is "There's three in the hall, from those pictures in the closet. Two in the bedroom from that night I lost it and one deep inside me, determined to stay. They don't get any bigger, but they don't go away. Holes in and around me, I keep falling back into, holes. Dig in and surround me..."-Holes, Rascal Flatts

I brought this up when I was writing in Spanish two the other day, but I find it funny because even though I haven't written just for a free write or anything since sophmore year, my writing hasn't changed. It's still jumbled, all over the place, and random. I don't think there is anything wrong with it because it still can be followed. I just think that with a year and half gone by, it would have changed a little more drastically then it has.

I don't know what else I can really say right now. I'll come back to this later. Maybe start a new one. I have to stop wrting for now though.